


the stars welcome him with open arms

by orphan_account



Category: SKAM (France)
Genre: Bipolar Disorder, Childhood Friends, Dissociation, Friends to Lovers, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Mental Health Issues, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, References to Depression, Suicidal Thoughts, eliott thinks lucas cheats but lemme tell you right now that is not the case, it's a case of half self-projecting, lucas is a sad baby, will get Very DARK dark at times
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-19
Updated: 2020-02-14
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:34:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,414
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21857686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Lucas met Eliott when he was six.and fell in love with him 11 years later.
Relationships: Eliott Demaury/Lucas Lallemant
Comments: 14
Kudos: 106





	1. home is where string bracelets are

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW!  
> The first section contains violence, start reading from 'His mother' if this is sensitive material.  
> Stay safe!

He first heard the icy sharp noise of skin on skin when he was six years old. The cold noise pierced his heart, infecting it slowly without him knowing. Hiding upstairs underneath the covers of his bed, the noises and bad guys couldn’t get him there, most of the time anyway. This time however, that protective blanket refused to hold down and save Lucas from the hurricane that was his father, _hurricane Baron_. As when he closed his eyes shut tightly, he could feel the warmth dancing down the sides of his face, he could hear the bone chilling silence downstairs the constant yelling grasped by the neck in the form of shock. Lucas was used to the yelling, the arguing, the faint smashing of a plate or two, he never heard tonight’s storm rolling in; as if it just snuck up on everyone suddenly, leaving them to face with the aftermath of the pelting rains and steel winds.

_Lucas was terrified._

Suddenly, the grasp that held the yelling in place was released. He heard to noises got louder and louder, it travelled closer to him. To where he was. He desperately reached to his blanket, cementing it down around his head to provide the sense of safety he missed so dearly. He was so caught up in his searching that he only just heard the door to his room slam open, followed by the fire raging screams from his mother only to be silenced by another shard of ice. Why was Lucas so cold now? He opened his eyes from the sturdy closure to find his mother holding her face, already covering a purple mark on the other side of her face. Lucas wants to weep for her, to hold her, to kiss her cheek to get rid of the ugly colour hiding beneath the hands that shake with fear.

He’s grabbed by the neck and thrown to the floor, too scared to notice the pain licking his insides, he stares with watery eyes up at the man who had previously never laid a hand on Lucas prior to now, he was drunk. Lucas could tell by the way his eyes were frantic, holding so much anger and rage that his grip that found its way around his throat was steel tight. Wait, _he couldn’t breathe_.

The air stuck in his throat, unable to slide its way to his lungs and jump out again. He scrambles to the best of his ability to grasp at the steel hands, but thankfully they released tension and became a constant pressure, only allowing the bare minimum of oxygen to pass through. Lucas stared with wide eyes at the fist coming dangerously close to his- he cried out as contact was made with his ribs, over and over. His mother thrown across the room trying to stop his father. Thirty seconds later his father crumbled.

“Lucas I only did that to you and Violetta because I love you, you know that right?”, Lucas didn’t get why, or why he didn’t call his mother, your mother, why it was now just her first name.

“You are the light of my life, but you got the floor dirty with your shoes. Okay? If you didn’t do that then this wouldn’t, it wouldn’t happen to you if-” Lucas tries to understand. He really does.

“don’t- just don’t, don’t get me upset and this doesn’t have to happen okay? I love you so much Lui, okay? I love, I love you.” And with that his dad passed out next to him.

His mother. She was getting up slowly, as her gaze shifted to Lucas, he could sense something was off. Was his mother going through another bad time? He slowly made his was over there, finally understanding that love comes with a price of pain. And if that was love, then Lucas didn’t want any of it. He decided as his mother wrapped her frail arms around his shaking body, tears falling onto his hair. He holds his mother a little tighter.

Without know what to do now, his heart puts up a small wall of steel around it. If this was love, Lucas would avoid it at all costs.

Three days later, his mother would bring him to a small bookshop where there were other mothers settled in a small circle. _A reading group_ , she had told him, with the promise of ice cream afterwards at their favourite place, and with another promise that there were other kids there to play with.

Lucas timidly hides behind his mother, her hand gently caressing his untameable hair. His looks around the circle, so far not being able to see any other kids. He pouts softly and buries his face into his mothers’ skirt, inhaling the floral smell that is so distinctly her. They stand there for a few moments basking in the comfort each other bring when he hears soft but energetic steps getting closer and closer to where they stand. His mother brushed his hair all the way through, a known telling of him to look around at his surroundings once more. He complies and is taken back by the boy standing right in front of him with the softest but most sunshine smile he had seen. He was holding a small intertwined piece of multicoloured string, consisting of a light blue, a forest green, and burnt orange, and held it out towards Lucas.

He tilted his head to the side, slowly stepping away from the comfort his mother gave, and towards to curious new boy. The boy smiled even brighter and began the conversation, as if the small movements away from Lucas’ mother were enough to begin babbling.

“Hi! My name is Eliott and I’m 8! I was just making some bracelets and I saw you walk in and saw your outfit matched this one I just made so I want you to have it!” The boy- _Eliott_ \- had said in a rush of words, bouncing on his toes. He stared at Lucas, which prompted a response. Lucas didn’t even notice his mother walk away from him and into the circle.

“I’m Lucas, I’m 6 and thank you.” He said softly, taking the outstretched bracelet in his grasp, attempting to put it on, but can’t. His frustration must show, as he heard a sly giggle and suddenly, hands were softly tying the string around his wrist. Furthermore the hands clasped his own and tugged him in attempt to get him to follow Eliott to wherever, Lucas obliged giggling softly.

They made their way to a small chair with a book and string surrounding the small space, this is where Eliott was prior to meeting him, Lucas assumes. He feels Eliott let go of his hand and motions his hand in a small circle.

“This is where I come to avoid all the boring old lady book talk. I just discovered it so it’s a secret place Lucas. You can’t tell anyone.” Eliott says, his eyes sparkling with amusement, since the ‘secret place’ was an open table next to the circle of chairs. They look at each other and laugh. They talk about their favourite colours ‘ _how can you not like purple Lucas? Its such a cool colour?_ ’, he doesn’t mention anything about the blossoming flower field of purple lavenders around his ribs.

Eliott asks what his favourite animal is, to which Lucas just shrugged. Eliott gasped before going on a rant about how raccoons are the cutest and coolest animal. He stared in awe at this boy only two years older but having so much, so much _passion_.

Before they knew it, their mothers returned to find Lucas explaining that he was interested in cool sciences and how Eliott was beginning to like drawing more. They shared a content glance at their boys, unmistakably good friends already, and interrupted the debate over if having coloured socks were better than patterned. Upon announcing they would need to leave, the boys sighed dramatically. Denying that they had to go anywhere.

“We can arrange a play date for Saturday?” Eliott’s mother, Mae, suggested, to which was met with a loud whoop from them both. The boys followed their mothers outside to the crisp cold air that slightly pinched their throats. As they departed, Eliott turned and gave Lucas one of the softest hugs ever. Whispering in his ear, “See you Saturday Luc, also that’s your nickname now.” And he was gone. Lucas smiled softly when his mother grabbed his hand and walked in the other direction.

“I think you two will get along very well.” She said, Lucas only nodding in agreement.

He fell asleep that night with the soft smile on his face and dreamt of a raccoon with a soft smile and a kind heart.


	2. the sun, the moon, the earth, and all the small stars too

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucas loves his mother  
> He loves his friends  
> He absolutely loves the moon.

Two years later, Lucas is 8 when his parents split up, with his mother gaining custody of him during weekdays. So when school starts up again Lucas is transferred and is utterly intimidated. A new school, new people, new classes, new friends. It was terrifying for his tiny little body to comprehend. When he had told Eliott the news, he was relived to find that they were going to be attending the same school.

“Luc!”, he had yelled while hugging him tightly, “that’s amazing, I mean we won’t be in the same year level but that’s okay because everyone is really nice, and we can walk home together, and it’ll be awesome!” oh, Lucas forgot that they were neighbours.

He gave Eliott a cheery smile and the two of them ran around the house laughing like maniacs. It was great. Life was looking up.

When the first day rolled around, the morning dragged on as if it were being held back by the concrete feeling of nervousness. His mother waited for him downstairs, probably with his lunch packed and a soft smile only reserved for him adorning her face. He could do this. He took a breath in and out, opened his door, and bounded down the stairs with a newfound giddiness accompanying his airy strides.

“Good morning  _ mon amour _ .” She said softly, embracing him tightly and pressing a light kiss to his head.

“ _ Maman- _ ” He mumbled into her embrace, smiling as he heard a knock at the door.  _ Eliott _ , his mind supplied. The two were to walk together today with the school only being a ten-minute stroll from their houses.

“Go, have fun, make friends,  _ je t’taime _ .” She giggled, acting as if she wasn’t just as nervous for her Lucas to go off into the world. She held him close for a moment longer before Lucas pulled away, feigning annoyance.

“El will get fussy if I don’t go Maman!” He laughed, leaving her comforting floral hold and taking a piece of fruit to eat and share with Eliott on his walk. His mother sighed and ruffled his hair, giving him his bag and walking to the front door.

Eliott was there with his Mum, even though he was 10 now, smiling as wide as ever, waiting for Lucas to appear.

When he did, he brightened even more, now bouncing on his toes. Lucas rolled his eyes but smiled just as brightly, pressing a kiss to his mothers' hand and walking out the door. He and Eliott had only known each other for the best of seven months, but it had felt like a lifetime.

“Hi El!” Lucas had said when he made it over to Eliott, the boy in question laughed before returning the greeting. Their mothers talking in hushed voices before Eliott’s mother turned to them.

“Well boys, this is where you little gremlins go off on your own to enjoy what they want to call school. So, off with ye! Away with the greasy pests!” She had said, raising a round of hard laughs from everyone.

Eliott grabbed his hand firmly before walking down past the open gate and towards school. He looked deep in thought when Lucas focused on him, what could a 10-year-old be thinking of this early in the morning.

“What are you thinking about El?” Lucas voiced his thoughts. Eliott blinked a few times before letting go of Lucas’ hand and facing him.

“I just want us to keep being friends Luc, that’s all.” He sounded small and Lucas didn’t like it at all, so with a smile and a pat to the arm, he reassures his friend.

“El, you big goof. Of course we’ll still be friends! Sure I might make new ones, but they don’t matter as much as you. I promise.” Lucas said, seeing the warmth reappear in the grey-blue eyes of his best-friend.

“Well okay then, that’s cool. Also we’re here.” He said looking at Lucas, and then at the gates with a determined glare.

They both laugh as they enter the school, the nervousness from before now turned into an airy breeze of positive thoughts. And maybe, Lucas thinks, sometimes new isn’t always as bad as it seems.

Until it is.

Eliott moves into the school down the road, Lucas couldn’t remember what it was called, it was a whole two years earlier than Lucas, and despite it only being an extra ten minute walk away, it seems like the world is imploding.

He waves goodbye to his mother, who had been struggling terribly over the summer break, and to Eliott’s parents as the two walk down the street.

“You nervous Luc?” Eliott asks, his gaze studying his best friends face with concern. Lucas fiddles with his fingers, avoiding looking up- finding the ground much more appealing currently.

“Hey-” He hears him say, before a hand abruptly grabs his arm to stop him from walking onwards, Lucas looks up.

“Lucas, it’s okay to be nervous, you know that right?” Eliott says, eyes boring into Lucas’ soul. Lucas darts his eyes around his face. Sighing in somewhat agreeance.

“I just don’t want to be alone, what if the other kids think I’m weird because I waited a whole year to talk to them.” He huffs, pulling Eliott along as he walks closer to the school.

“Luc, hey, Luc look at me-” And Lucas does, “they’re weird for not wanting to become friends with you. You’ll be okay I promise. Besides, you have Yann. So that’s already one person!” Eliott points out, and he’s right. He’s always right.

“You’re right. Sorry.” Lucas didn’t know what for, complaining really. He was 9 now, and Eliott had to start a whole new school.

“Don’t be-” Eliott started, but they had reached the first destination of the day.

Lucas doesn’t realise he’s being hugged for a few seconds, before he melts entirely.

“Have a good day El, make good friends or I’ll cut their shoelaces up.” He mumbles, receiving a laugh in return. They leave each-others hold with a promise to meet there again after school, Lucas watches Eliott leave- waiting until he couldn’t see his tall 11-year-old friend- before heading into the school.

Once inside the gates, Lucas felt cold. He was scared and couldn’t see Yann anywhere. He couldn’t do this- he was only nine. His father was right. He was right and Lucas was wrong. He couldn’t do anything-

“Lucas!” Yann called across the yard, striding over to his friend at a pace close to as fast as Lucas’ heart was beating against his frail chest. 

Lucas smiled tenderly at his close friend, doing their secret handshake that only made them laugh when they both forgot one small step. They were nine, they can’t remember everything, they had reasoned. It was going to be okay. He was going to be okay.

“Hi Yann,” He replied, a giggle leaving the depths of his lungs, only then noticing the two other kids trailing along behind his friend. Yann smiled and turned away from Lucas, twisting his body to signal the two boys who were now jogging the rest of the way over to them.

“Lucas, meet Arthur and Basile!” Yann exclaimed, making their little cluster into a small circle as he gave a timid greeting.

“Isn’t basil a type of herb?” He asked, wondering if it was a nickname or if the boy was quite literally named very similarly to something his Maman used while cooking when she felt good.

The group burst into laughter, Lucas chuckling as well. They all bonded fairly quickly, and discussed topics that seemed like the world was far less important. 

Lucas made friends and he got by the day swiftly, and airy feeling taking control as he waited outside the gates for Eliott. He hoped his day was just as fun, and had made some cool friends. 

Twenty minutes later, Lucas saw his friend bounding down the street with a smile adorning his features. He was okay. Lucas felt relieved.

“Luc!” He screamed, running to hug the boy tightly. Lucas laughed, calling him an idiot, and the two made their way back home while exchanging details about their day.

_Eliott, i swear his name is just a herb! He didn’t even answer, I was so confused- hey! Don’t laugh at me_! And, _Lucas she was so nice, her name was Lucielle and i thought of your nickname because your names both have ‘luc’ in them! I call her luci though so don’t worry!_ ~~Which ignited a small hushed feeling of something that hurt Lucas’ heart.~~

They made it back to Eliott’s, watching some cartoons and Lucas building something out of Lego while Eliott drew something corresponding. It was nice.

When Lucas left, he entered his house, yelling out to his Maman that he was home. She replied that she was in the kitchen. Lucas felt warm, and he smelt cookies. Today was a good day.

“Petit soleil, mon amour, how was your first day?!” She cooed as she pinched his face and ruffled his hair softly. Lucas laughed, pushing her hands away. But held onto her tightly, enjoying her embrace.

“It was good, I made two new friends today! Two! And one of them is named after a herb, Maman! Can you believe that. Anyway Yann, Basile and Arthur poured glue-” He began, retelling his day in detail as he knew his Maman loved hearing about his day. They laughed at his stories and ended up cuddling on the couch with a meal that smelled wonderful and a TV show about the stars and space, Lucas was so invested that he didn’t realise that his Maman had fallen asleep.

He removed himself from the warm hug, and took the plates and cups to the kitchen before returning to his sleeping mother. He shook her shoulder softly, and she woke up instantly.

“Oh dear, did I fall asleep again, petit soleil?”She tiredly murmured against his forehead. He nodded and giggled. The both of them stumbling upstairs in a fit of giggles and random space facts from Lucas,  _ there could be a planet made out of diamonds, Maman! We can be so rich! _ While his mother ruffled his hair before depositing him in the bathroom.

“You smell like greasy gremlin, you loser.” She said, Lucas gasped before ushering her out to shower.

After he placed his clothes in the basket, and got dressed in his pyjamas, he trotted to his Maman’s room, opening the door to find her sitting up and reading a book. She looked up and gestures for him to join her. He snuggled up to her side, letting her hands card through his damp hair. 

“Want me to read to you, petit soleil?” She tenderly asked, to which he nodded, sinking comfortably into her side. He soon fell asleep to his mother softly reading about how the moon fell in love with the sun, after giving love to the earth and getting blinded by the stars around them all.

Lucas liked the story, he loved it but he never made it to the ending. 

He always fell asleep by then.


	3. the rise of the fall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the found place of comfort was in a tree, branches drooping over the water below. He could breathe there. But his friend was waiting for him, his mother was like him. He can look after her. He would be fine. He just had to leave the tree.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW!!! mentions of violence but none too graphic, also mentions of accidental injury, and mental health episodes.

Lucas’ mother has her first major breakdown when he is 13 years old. His dad had come by to drop some of his clothes off that he forgot on Friday afternoon, and yelled at his mother for hours on end for letting Lucas forget; like it was her fault that the clothes were in the washing pile. His mother had said that and the deafening thwack that echoed through the walls that seemed paper thin bounced around in his mind. This was his fault, if he had just put the shirt in his bag and washed it here it wouldn’t have happened.

This was  _ his _ fault.

The slamming door broke Lucas from his haze and he rushed to his silent mothers’ side. She had a deep red blush on her cheek that he knew would only get darker, he could see the outline of a ring? Something was on his fathers’ hand regardless. He softly approached her, hands in front of him. He didn’t want his mother to be scared of him too. She started heavily crying when Lucas embraced her. He held her tighter, as if he could take on her pain. She didn’t do  _ anything _ wrong. Lucas was beyond furious at himself, and at his father. 

He rocked his mother in his arms, softly murmuring reassurances that she ‘was okay, you’re safe, it’s me now, it’s your Lucas.’ while she cried harder, until like a tap was turned off, she froze up. Lucas was confused, she was stiffening up and he didn’t know what to do.

“Lucas?” She spat the question, with Lucas instantly removing his arms and looking her in the eye.

“Yeah, it’s me, it’s Lucas mum.” he answered. She started screaming.

“How could you! How could you let this happen to me, baby?” Lucas was scared. This wasn’t his mother. Her eyes were cloudy and distant.

He tried to calm her down, “Mum, I’m sorry. It’s not your fault. Okay?” But she wouldn’t listen.

He went to the bathroom and closed the door, not locking it in case he needed to help his mother. Running his hands through his hair and dragging down his face seemed to be the only thing keeping him from also screaming and crying. He was only 13. He didn’t know what his mum was doing, why she was acting like this. He didn’t know what was going to happen, should he call someone? Should he call someone- He can call someone.

On the third ring, she picked up.

“Lucas?” Eliotts' mother, Mae, answered confused.

“Mae, Mae please you have to help me, mum- mum's crying and her eyes aren’t hers. Her eyes are cloudy and distant, Mae. Please help me.” He cried out.

“I’ll be there in a second okay, it’s gonna be okay.” And she hung up. He bolted back to the living room where his mum was now throwing pillows, a book, and an empty frame. Unfortunately Lucas had walked in at the wrong time, because she had just thrown her bible at the entryway, and it had collided with the side of his head; knocking him out cold against the floor with a sickening thud.

He woke up to someone cradling his head softly, blinking a few times to see that  _ someone _ was his best friend.

“El?” He whispered, still blinking to adjust to the soft lighting. He heard of what a concussion was and he was at least 98% sure that he had one. Gross.

“Hey Luc, are you okay?” he responded just as quietly. Looking intently into his eyes with a squint, kind of like to see if someone was lying about something.

“I mean unless you consider feeling like your head was just imploding then absolutely peachy.” He said, gaining a laugh from the other, wincing at the loud noise but soon following it with a laugh of his own shortly after. He looked around the room and saw he was still in his house, and as he looked at the mess of the living room he suddenly felt like a piano was dropped onto his body.

“Where’s mum?” He asked, body slowly working its way to panicking, because he needed to know if she was okay. He needed to know.

“She’s in her room asleep, Lucas my dad needs to tell you something though, like important stuff.”

“What kind of important?” He was met with silence.

“Eliott, what kind of important. It’s mum, what kind of  _ important _ -”

“Lucas your mum isn’t mentally healthy. She’s got an illness. Like me, but not what I have.” He cut Lucas off, avoiding the lost gaze his best friend had.

“Okay, where is he?” He asked quietly.

“In the study.” Eliott had replied softly, letting his hands fall from his hair, and watched his best friend deal with it. 

Lucas felt numb, he can look after his mum right? He could look after Eliott when he was manic or depressed, but he had help. He might not have as much help now and he didn’t want to leave his mum.

He pushed open the study door and knocked softly before entering.

“Leon? Eliott said that mum was kind of like him? But i-” Lucas started, fidgeting with his fingers as he began his ramble.

“Lucas, buddy, I think your mother has what we call  _ psychotic schizophrenia _ . Which means she loses touch with reality sometimes and doesn’t always know what’s happening or where she is. It's a really serious thing buddy.” Leon said, placing his hand gently on his shoulder, as if Lucas would run away.

Lucas could see his mouth moving and he could hear the buzz of words echoing inside his ears. But his mind was running too fast for it to function. He just blinked a few times, muttering a numb ‘excuse me’ and he ran. He had to get out of that house, he had to. He couldn’t think, he couldn’t think, he couldn’t think, he couldn’t breathe. Why wasn’t he breathing. His face was cold. Wait why was he heaving? _Oh_ , Lucas thinks, _he’s having a freak out_. He’d only had a few before, and he never remembered the name. But he knew one thing, he was at the park near the river at the edge of his neighbourhood. That was ten minutes away from his house.

It was dark, and was getting cold, and with the cold shaking that happened whenever he breathed, he figured he was going to get sick. Lucas almost laughed, he was physically sick, and his mum was mentally sick now. How ironic.

He climbed a tree that was hidden behind a number of bushes to avoid the public eye, and ventured out to one of the branches that was sturdy enough to hold his frail body. He looked down, and saw that there was no ground if he jumped off. For the new sitting spot was over the water. Instead of feeling scared, Lucas felt calmer than he had for most of the night. He closed his eyes and focused on slowing his breathing down.

“Lucas?!” He heard Eliott scream from somewhere near where he sat.

“Eliott?” He spoke into the air, but quiet enough that if Eliott wasn’t in the five metre radius he wouldn’t hear him.

“Hey! Where are you Lucas?” So Eliott  _ was _ close, and Lucas was cold. So he climbed down his new spot, mapping out the area so he could come back to it later, and walked through the few bushes that obstructed his best friend from finding him.

“Behind you.” He said, words empty.

Eliott turned around and saw the crumbling form that was Lucas, and wrapped him up in his arms. Lucas couldn’t tell, but they were both crying.

“Let’s get you home. Your mum wants to talk to you, Luc.” He mumbled, not releasing Lucas from the death-grip hug, instead picking him up and forcing Lucas to wrap his legs around Eliotts’ waist. He falls asleep on the ten minute walk, and is woken up by a familiar floral perfume encased in sheets..

“Mum?” He haphazardly asks, flailing his limbs around until he finds a body of warmth, and he latches onto it.

“Not exactly, but she’s at the doctors, so you’re stuck with me and Lucielle tonight. Eliott confirms, “You’re in her bed though, so I can stay here or I can go downstairs. Up to you Luc.” He says, softly running his hands through his hair.

_ Oh. Lucas had forgotten about Lucielle. Her and Eliott were dating now, at least he thinks so. He had met her at a party, lucas thinks it was one of Eliotts' friends who were friends with his friends so everyone was there. “Lucas meet Lucielle, my girlfriend.” Eliott had said, a warm smile radiating the cold feeling settling in his chest. He was happy for his best friend. “Hi, I’m Lucas.” He had said, shaking her hand before being drawn into a soft hug by the girl. “I have heard so much about you! Nice to meet you.” She was nice, at least in front of Eliott. But then she was throwing venomous looks whenever Eliott wasn’t looking, or when he wasn’t there. He didn’t know why. She had once pulled him aside and said to him, “people are saying you’re gay. Lucas I don’t care enough about your stupid friendship with my boyfriend, he probably pittied you. You don’t matter to him anymore, that’s why I’m here. You will never compare to me. So just leave us alone. And he had for a few days before Eliott came over and said they had a fight. About him. And since then, the words were never spoken but the message was received loud and clear.  _ **_You could be gay, don’t like Eliott. You don’t matter anymore._ **

“Go to Lucielle, I’m fine.”He said, rolling away from the soft hands and curling in on himself. He felt a hesitance from his best friend before a lost sight escaped Lucas’ mouth.

“Eliott seriously, I’m just tired so I’m sleeping. Leave and go spend time with your girlfriend. I don’t care, I’ll be here regardless.” And tightened his hold on the sheets encasing his small body, feeling the loss of weight that was so clearly Eliott, and heard a soft ‘ _sleep well Luc_ ’ before the door softly closed.

Lucas silently cried himself to sleep all weekend.


	4. alone, found, alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> nothing was the same  
> he had lost already  
> he was only 15  
> please let him live

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BIG MAJOR TW!  
> DO NOT READ IF MURDER IS AN ISSUE, IT WILL NOT BE DESCRIBED IN DETAIL, ONLY IMPLIED.  
> LUCAS IS UNAWARE OF HARMING HIMSELF WHEN MENTION OF A BROKEN PEN IS THERE.  
> MENTIONS OF PANIC ATTACKS

He was 15 when he was woken up by a sickening scream followed by silence. His mother had just come back from her two month stay at the clinic in town. She had mentioned it to him a year ago that she was considering it, and had told him that he were to stay next door. Which seemed like a good idea at the time, but since Lucielle was a thing, Eliott became closed off and cold towards him. Which hurt Lucas in a way he couldn’t describe. Losing his best friend, after anxiously awaiting for updates about his mother for hours prior took a toll on him. If he isolated himself a little more each day, then that was his business. His mother had returned two weeks ago, and was better than before. She was on new medication and was following a new schedule to ensure that the constant things that she had control over, were controlled. She had made his favourite dish for him the night prior and had stayed up with him, drinking apple juice while watching another space documentary before sending them both to bed. So, she was the only person home at this current point of time, and the silence brought nothing pleasant to his brain. He waited for something, anything, else to make a noise. But nothing came from downstairs. He creeped out of his room, and slowly made his way to the staircase. 

He could hear someone panting and instantly booked it back to his room to call the police. He had seen enough murder mysteries to know that was the right thing to do. At least he hoped it was. So when he was told to stay on the line and be comforted through another  _ freak out _ , although the proper diagnostic term he had been told was actually a panic attack, and had been hung up on when he could hear sirens outside-

Banging.

Someone was banging on his locked bedroom door.

“Lucas, open the fukcing door right now.” Why was his father here?

“I swear to fucking christ if it was you who called the police, you’re fucking dead. You hear me.” He yelled, the door almost breaking due to the amount of force being used to kick it in.

Lucas squeezed his eyes shut and hid under his bed. He wanted to laugh at the irony of it all, he was fucking 15. He shouldn’t be hiding from his father under his bed. How pathetic.

He heard two doors break down in the timespan of ten seconds, his door, and the front door.

He saw the mans’ shoes covered in-

He heard the dripping from the-

Lucas passed out.

“-e go!”

“-as insane!”

  
  
  


“She wasn’t safe!”

He woke up again.

He was in the back of an ambulance, someone asking him questions. But the light was too bright. The noise was too loud.

He passed out a second time.

“Take- station, just for ton-”

“-mily? Poor kid.”

  
  


Where was he?

Why was he lying on something cold and uncomfortable?

“Does he have a phone on him?” 

He felt hands prodding his being, and grunted to get someone away from him. It worked.

“I have a phone, get away from me.” He slurred out, the shuffling of steps halting and then moving away from where he was.

When he opened his eyes, he could feel he had a bruise on his cheek, and something on his left thigh. He saw he was in a police station, covered in a tacky blanket and being observed by two officers.

“Hey kid, you got anyone to call?” the tall one asked, seeming hopeful that he would have someone.

“Can they be family friends?” He asked, and received a relieved nod. He took time to sit up and grab his phone.  _ Eliott _ . His long term best friend had said that he can call him at anytime and he would be there, even though he was sure he had a date tonight with Lucielle, he told himself that they could have another later.

He dialed.

And waited.

And waited,

And waited

And,

“Lucas I don’t know if he told you, but calling during a date is wrong. Go away and stop being a fucking child.”

Oh, it was Lucielle.

“Is he there?” He said tiredly, energy fading out of him quickly.

She just laughed and hung up.

“Shit.”He could feel the pressure building up behind his eyes

“All good, kid?” The same officer asked, now looking more sad than anything else. He sniffled and nodded. He tried two more times before it was Eliott who picked up.

“What do you want Lucas? I’m busy.” And ouch, that hurt. Why did he call, what happened to him? He never found out. He just knew one thing. He burst into hysterical tears.

“Eliott, we’re not going to be neighbours anymore.” He cried, heavy tears causing his breath to hiccup out of his body.

“Seriously, Lucas? You bothered me and Lucielle on our date to tell me you’re finally fucking moving? God you’re so annoying. Grow up. Leave me alone.” Eliott hung up.

Maybe there was a time where Eliott cared if Lucas was hysterically crying on the phone. Lucielle was right. Eliott didn’t care about him. He dropped his phone and smashed it over and over in anger. Anger at himself for becoming so dependent, anger at Lucielle for stealing his best friend, and at his father for fucking killing his mother when she was finally getting better.

“Fucking asshole!” He said, forgetting he was in the company of police officers.

“You know anyone else to call kid, otherwise we have to give you over to socials. And no offence, but there is too much paperwork to do with that, especially so late at night.” The tall one said. He had introduced himself after the first call failed, Devan.

Lucas sighed, he nodded again and dialed another number. Feeling angry with the world, and with himself for thinking that Eliott fucking cared. Maybe he would be better off-

“Kid? You okay?” Devan said. Looking concerned at Lucas' behaviour, who had clutched a pen in hand and had broken it in two, spilling the ink, and cutting his hand open on a jagged edge of plastic. He felt numb. Angry. Angry numb.

He threw a small wire pen-holder against the wall.

Mae and Leon made their way over to Lucas, hugging him and crying softly. They refused to let go even when Lucas was fighting against them, he fought until the fight left him and the never ending sadness resumed. His mother was dead. He had no best friend, he was probably about to go into foster care, he had nothing now. He was alone again in his life, and he was only 15 fucking years old.

Lucas was numb to the world. He knew if word of this got out to the kids at his school, they’d torment him even more. He needed an out. He needed an out. He needed to-

“Lucas can stay with us, it’s no issue I can assure you. We're a family at this point.” Leon had said to someone behind them. More hushed words were spoken and then he was lifted up by the man who he deemed to be more family than the remains of his real one, and he was carried to the car, which carried him back inside the walls that acted as a safe haven, and placed into the guest bedroom that was kind of his, considering he had a bunch of his clothes in the otherwise empty cupboard. 

He didn’t sleep. In fact, Lucas stayed in bed for three days before he had to leave it. Over those three days, he only drank the water that had been provided for him, used the bathroom at the earliest time possible, and slept a total of five hours. He was numb to the world.

He checked the time, realising that he needed to go to school soon. He and Eliott attended different high schools, and were both a fair distance from each other. So Eliott had to use the bus, but Lucas walked thirty minutes. So he always left earlier.

He readied himself in the bathroom, showering and quickly washing his hair and body from the gross feeling that seemed to become permanent no matter how hard he scrubbed his skin. When the water ended up stinging his skin, he turned it off, and dried himself off before tying the towel around his small waist. He looked in the mirror and saw what he felt. A person who was exhausted, showcasing dark circles and red rims, and a pale face to really draw your attention to it. He looked shit.

He left the bathroom and crashed into someone,  _ Eliott _ , and stiffened up. He looked away and moved to step around him. He was stopped by the grip on his arm. He faced his old best friend with what he hoped was a cold stare. He ripped his arm free and continued walking towards the room that was his. If Eliott wanted him to grow up, then fuck it. How’s his mothers’ murder sound. That’s a pretty grown up thing to deal with. He didn’t want to even look at Eliott, let alone speak to him. Fuck him. Lucas knew where he stood, he preferred Eliotts parents to him. 

He closed the door and slid down, covering his face with his hands before shakily exhaling. He felt tears, and vigorously wiped them until they stopped. He didn’t cry. Boys don’t fucking cry. He stood, got dressed and promptly made his way out of the house without seeing anyone else. He put his hood up, and made sure he kept his eyes trained to the floor.

He avoided everyone at school, opting to sit and learn instead of sitting next to his friends in classes to talk about their weekend. What would he say ‘Oh yeah my dad murdered my mum and I lost my best friend five minutes after and I’m terrified of the fact the Demaury’s can get sick of me and give me up to social services so I would never see you all again?’ Nah, he wouldn’t think that would be a cool thing to do. So Lucas avoids everyone like the plague. 

The day is soon over and he takes his time getting back to the house. Bypassing the tree he had claimed after the first episode. He looked around and when he was sure that nobody was paying attention to him, he ran into the bushes and up to the branch that had held so many confessions made by just him and spoke to the empty nothingness of the space around him.

He pulled his homework out and completed it all before he figured he may as well get back before they called the police. He went to pull out his phone and remembered he smashed it into pieces after Eliott hung up on him. His inheritance from his mother was actually quite substantial, he could almost up and leave without anyone saying anything but he knew that would cause panic. Too bad.

He entered the house, taking his shoes off because even though she was dead, and he was now numb to saying and thinking that word linked to his mother, he knew his she would be antsy about it anyway. He made his way up to the room and took an apple from the bowl on the table he passed. He shut the door and pulled out an empty notebook he took from school during lunch, and began writing down everything that ran through his mind, mindlessly eating the apple slowly as well.

This set up worked for a while before the news got to him, his dad was out on bail. And that he wanted to collect Lucas. How the fuck the court let that happen was beside him. He couldn’t care enough, he knows his dad is doing this to get less jail time, if he appears back in court and his lawyer brings up the fact that he was living with his son and that nothing had been reported, then the fucking jury and the judge would take that into account. It made Lucas sick to even think about it. He was just a pawn in his fathers’ game. He knows for a fact that he was going to hate it with him, but he had no choice.

So, two weeks to the day after he murdered Lucas’ mother, his father picked him up from the house that was meant to feel like home, and took him to his baron looking place that hadn’t changed at all throughout the years. He placed all his belongings in the cupboard and headed downstairs to sit at the table.

“You can do what you want Lucas, I’m not going to fucking kill you, you’re too stable. I’m not allowed to drink so make yourself useful and drink them whenever. Just tell people who look official that I’m looking after you and that’s it. I don’t give a shit. Just don’t fuck this up.” His father said, slapping Lucas directly across the face, before slamming the door to the study shut. Lucas was frozen. 

He was too stable for his father to kill him. If he was like his mother, he would be dead too. Fuck. Fuck, Fuck fuckfuckfuck. His breathing staccato. He grabbed the case of strong beer and hightailed it to his room, downing three off the bat. Lucas only drank at parties, but the humming feeling his body felt while he watched movies on his laptop gave him a feeling of something other than warmth. He should hate the feeling, he should be terrified of his father at all times, but his head was warm and he felt relaxed, he didn’t care if he was killed right this instant, he didn’t care sober so why should he care when he felt like this. He liked it, which should scare him. But it didn’t.

He was numb to the world.


End file.
